Sunday, October 9, 2011

Designated Deities

   A rather funny, if not altogether unanticipated, conversation has now arisen, sharply, amongst the rank ranks of Tea Party panderers as to which of them is more morally acceptable for the highest office based on his or her religious subscriptions.
   Texas Mega church pastor Jeff Jeffers has claimed that Governor Perry is the most suitable candidate because he, unlike former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, is a true Christian, rather than a member of the "cult" of Mormonism.
   I distinctly recall, from my own religious instruction in Catholic high school, being taught that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is, indeed, a cult. I also distinctly recall being taught in Catholic elementary school that it would be a sin to enter another religious group's church. I remember wondering, what exactly the hell did those damned Lutherans actually DO in their not-ever-to-be-entered church as I passed it each day on the bus on my way to Catholic school, and my personal, mostly, compliant salvation.
   So, I thought I'd do a quick check of my own to determine which of these good folks was indeed most worthy, based on religious beliefs, and practices.
   First up: Sarah Palin. Although she officially declared out of the running this week, I figured we would all benefit from knowing more about her ethereal understandings. Paling was born Roman Catholic, then, as an adult, switched her allegiance, and tithings, to progressively more fundamental-leaning churches. Like the one where they were big on glossolalia, speaking in tongues. Clearly, Ms. Palin was a successful convert.
   Herman Cain is a good, old fashioned, regular sort of Baptist, and an associate minister at his church.
   Ron Paul, Representative from Texas, was born Lutheran, converted to Baptist, whose five children were all baptized in the Episcopal Church. You know, the American version of the Anglican communion, the one that used to be Catholic, but was started  by Henry VIII when he deemed the rules of the HRCC to weigh too heavily on his throne. And libido.
   Newton Leroy Gingrich, born Lutheran, switched to Baptist during grad school, converted to Roman Catholicism,after marrying his third wife, and experiencing the "happiness and peacefulness" exhuded by Pope Benedict. (More thoughts on the actual meaning of the name Benedict in a future blog. Just because.)
He recently said, "In America, religious belief is being challenged by a cultural elite trying to create a secularized America, in which God is driven out of public life."
   Michelle Bachmann, my personal favorite candidate, because I also simply adore Daffy Duck,
 was "a longtime member of Salem Lutheran Church in Stillwater. She and her husband withdrew their membership on June 21, 2011, just before she officially began her presidential campaign." Word is, that this particular group regularly denounces the Pope as the Anti-Christ. Ms. Bachmann claims otherwise. She and Marcus now attend an evangelical church near their residence. Several religious writers state that the Bachmanns are members of Dominionist groups. 
   Former Senator Rick Santorum, who very recently advised "Values Voters" that they should pick a candidate based on "who they lie down with at night" was raised Roman Catholic.
   Santorum and his wife now attend a church in the old Tridentine, Latin rite version of Roman Catholicism. As in, the "we don't really like the post-Vatican II, "modern" version. They like their church the old fashioned way, where no one knew what the prayers even meant. I know, 'cause I was a Latin-spewing altar boy back in the day.
   This then, is the list of currently contending contenders, and their religious views and practices. Lotsa Lutheran stuff going on, so maybe the nuns were right! Then again, lotsa "my god is stronger, smarter, holier, more smiting than thine, so watch your ass, or my god will stomp on you and yours."
   Yup. Nolthing more fun, or chilling, that a nation prepared to move "forward" based on their leaders' adherence, or lack thereof, to unprovable deific beings and the "laws" thoughtfully given unto us by said deific beings.
   I thing I'll just go burn some insense in praise of Ralph the Wonder Puppy. And vote for whomever does the same. 


  1. Can't we save time and vote for the Wonder Puppy?

  2. First need to register as a member of the F.Y.B.M.D. party.